13 October 2009

I Can Be Your Hero Baby

I am a saver.

I think I always have been...I'm pretty sure I learned it from my mom.

I don't mean that I'm a pack-rat {though, my storage unit might tell a different story...that I learned from my grandmother.}

I mean that I have a subconscious {until very recently} habit of trying to save things: people, projects, ideas.

It is next-to-impossible for me to see something {or often someone} that is struggling, {hurting, failing, broken, ill-managed, under-prepared, most synonyms included} and not try with everything that I can to help save it. {You can imagine some of the super healthy boys that this has lead me to...}

This {I'm struggling for a word here: tendency? trait? flaw?} knows no size or boundaries...I have found myself helping to program large events, hand-write and address 500+ thank you cards for my friend, staying up way-too-late to talk through situations or crises, lose sleep thinking about how someone could "fix" any potential issues--that he or she has not foreseen nor asked for help with...and these are just the few that I can identify...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely sure this is a bad thing.

I love the time of logic, planning and executing large tasks. I loved the time I spent writing those cards with my friend. I love the feeling of accomplishment that comes with the completion and success of whatever was saved.

Some of my favorite opportunities {paid and unpaid} have come as a result of God using those "saving" moments to shift my heart toward that community, that ministry, that people group...

I love that someone might feel heard and feel that spark for life-change. I love the idea that even one person might understand a little bit more of God's immense, unchanging love for him or her because of a conversation...

Sometimes, this comes at my expense. I lose sleep, lose time with friends, lose sight of the value of other commitments I have made, lose sight of who God made me to be...not always, but sometimes.

I have been trying to think of a time that I regretted my decision to help. I can't come up with one.

I'm not sure that I have a resolution to this.
I simply know that this was in my head all day and I had to get it out.
Let me know if you have any thoughts...or thought-provoking questions.

3 comments:

PETE Di LALLO said...

Dear you,
I will read this when I have time to really get into it...

in the meantime I'll hide our home computer for a while so your 'grandmother' will not read the lie you posted about her pack-ratted-ness...
you must know that most of the 'stuff' in our storage belongs to your aunts and my parents, none of whom are coming back for any of it...
U B in deep trouble Missie!!!

TS Harrison said...

Never regret your willingness to serve. It is in your self-abnegation that you most resemble Christ. "...the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Continue to ruthless trust that your sacrifices will be rewarded.
"He must increase, I must decrease."

Julie Hibbard said...

I have great pride in the fact that you attribute this trait to me.
I have helped to save quite a few. Including me. Including you.
I have never regretted my tendency to want to save, help, assist, come along side or guide someone to the next step.
After oh so many years of (both attempted and successful) saving, the only change I've made is in my ability to let go of those who do not desire such assistance. I no longer insist on helping those who do not wish to help themselves or who do not desire a change.
And, actually, this accomplishment has truly lead to me saving myself.
Which allows me to further assist those who desire the assistance.
I love you and your saving heart.