Obviously, I work with my best friends in the world, so of course I miss them, but this week I'm realizing that I actually miss working.
I loved my job for the last 4 years. It was a ton of work--consistently playing beat the clock to get a weekend ready to go--but I loved it. And I felt like I was good at it. I felt productive and creative. I felt challenged and, most of the time, accomplished at the end of an average 55-hour work week.
I am a better "performer" when I have too much to do--when I have to manage my time and keep a constant level of concentration. If I have too little to do, I do nothing.
Today, I'm feeling like I need "a something" to do. I need to have a project--a big, task-driven project that requires time and energy...that will allow me to cross things off my list and have a completed "I did this" feeling in the end. I know it sounds crazy, but I am a bad un-busy person. That's when I choose to read eight books and watch an entire series of TV on DVD...It's not that we're not keeping busy here; we go out everyday and love on people and do our best to help with existing projects...but I'm frustrated with just hanging out...I need to see some end of something. I need to be able to plan and execute something...to see an idea become a reality.
I told Chris about this while he was making toast and I was doing anything to be busy (washing and drying dishes, emptying trash cans, updating or excel spreadsheet of accounting, cleaning out the pantry)...and he said, "Maybe this is God's way of teaching you a new kind of patience?"
It's funny...I'm pretty sure he's right. But I'm not sure I want to learn this kind of patience. Which is probably why I need to be taught this lesson.
I know this sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm just learning and processing...I figure this is as much worth reading about as a day of ostrich-riding...