31 July 2010

To Everything, There Is A Season

I was fairly convinced that, during this trip to Kenya, God would unveil the next stage of my life.
I had a really beautiful plan in my head (an internship at Mavuno Church which would help to launch a ministry that would, eventually, spread across the continent, eradicating human trafficking and child prostitution in Africa) and assumed He would say, "Yep. That's it."

But we all know that's not how it works.

Instead, I arrived in Nairobi, ready to meet with the director of interns at Mavuno Church. I had expected to have a brief conversation and then hear him say, "Oh, we've been waiting to start something like this, but didn't know where to begin." (Not that I have all of the answers, mind you. But God is a big God...)

But that wasn't what he said.

I assumed I had misheard God. I assumed that the internship was still the next step, but that I had been prepared to hear something that had been born from my hopes, not from God's voice. So I moved forward with those conversations, but never really found peace with the thought of that next step. Still, I continued to shrug-off those feelings, attributing them to the fact that, if I were to live in Kenya, I would ultimately want to live in Kitale...but continued to feel like that was selfish; I should want to be where God wants and I could sacrifice and live in Nairobi...it's still the same country!

But then I was quiet.
Long enough to hear God.

(what follows is the Reader's Digest version of a 2-week conversation between me and God...little future plans...beautiful resolution. This may not mean anything to you. If that's frustrating or confusing, then I'm sorry. But I had to write this down...all the better to remember the journey.)

The internship is not the next step.
--Well, then what is?

Be present where I have you, for now.
Do not be counting down the days until you get to be somewhere else.
--But wait...what does that mean?

You have things to learn before you can take these next steps...
--But what if I learn them quickly? Wait. Does this mean I'll never be in Kenya?

Stop. Trust me.
As you are faithful to me, I will be faithful to you.

I have no idea what's next.
But I am really enjoying the constant signs of God's faithfulness.


Julie Hibbard said...

These are the same things God says to most of us...but the vast majority of people (myself included) are usually somewhat impatient and decide to just do things without waiting on God.
Being present where you are is probably the best idea of all.
Be here now...you do that so well too.
You were incredible last night. Amazing. There is NO doubt that God is using you in Newport Beach--and that you are allowing Him to do just that! You are so genuine yet so profound when you speak to the congregation.
I was blessed, touched, filled and literally overwhelmed with JOY last night seeing you lead the church in worship and prayer.
You have been faithful and present and it's changing THIS side of the world right now.
Thanks for sharing your journey.
I love how much I am learning from you.

Jackie Gillen said...

Maybe someone here needs you now!